Putting ideas and experiences into word, building a mental picture of something such that the target audience receives the entire image, These are things that writers do. It is at times like this that I really wish that I was a writer. But the truth is, I am not. I have ideas, thoughts, some of them even good ones but bringing them to the paper is really difficult. I don’t use perfect form or grammar. I do things that break the rules like starting a sentence with, AND, BUT, BECAUSE or certain other forbidden sentence starters. I do it on purpose because it is a truer reflection of how I speak and how I think.
I haven’t written much for a while because I have not been feeling really healthy for a while and as it turns out according to the medical community here in Florida, I have been justified many times over in this. They look at me and wonder why I am alive at all. Only YHVH knows is the answer I give them.
I don’t want to go into all the background and build a deep dramatic story and will only cover it with a few words. So be patient. I shall not abandon you in the gore of it all.
We had a winter-festival get-together at our house with family and a few friend. OK, Yes it was a Christmas type party! I know that most Messianics will read this with a certain amount of disdain. It’s OK. We are very firm on that issue and keep the Moedim. Sukkot Tisheri 15 was the birth of Messiah and I can defend that with a lot of scripture and historical cultural context. Christmas for is a winter festival and to us not the celebration of the birth of Mithrais. It is an excuse for family and friends to break from the mundane of winter and have some fellowship. Why let HaSatan steal from us any day that belongs to us and the Lord? Take it back! Kick Satan out on his ear with his demons and make the day what it is supposed to be December 25th, just another day that has nothing to do with him and his demons. Remove the elves decorated trees and silliness and things wrapped up in traditions. Use it as an excuse to enjoy those you love.
Sheesh! Nuff said. Well at this get together we were playing with a prank-gift from my teen age daughter a little remote control helicopter. She was flying it and having a great deal more success than any of the adults. She had a good stable flight and I seemed to be in the way of recorded flight plan and to avoid being struck in the face with its 20,000 RPM spinning metal knife blades used for rotors and did a quick shallow lunge to the left. As I did I felt and heard a sickening crack noise in my left leg. Since I am a medical person I made a quick assessment and got to the floor and got the family to bring me ice packs. My diagnoses was that despite many obvious reasons that were contrary to the diagnosis that I had either broken my left femur or as a minimum had ruptured the I. T. band (Illio-Tibial ) a large wide tough ligament that runs from ones hip to the knee along the lateral aspect of the leg.
After a quick painful trip to the hospital I returned home totally unable to use the leg with a diagnoses of severe strain, a script for pain meds and a pair of fine crutches, made in China of course. I hobbled around for a couple weeks waiting for this strain to resolve at least into some form of localized pain that could explain what was actually damaged. The truth didn’t come out until later when my Orthopedic Surgeon called me frantically on the phone ordering me to the Emergency room of the Daytona Beach Hospital where he had already admitted me for surgery. He informed me that I had been hobbling around in previous weeks on a totally fractured femur that if it separated could sever my femoral artery resulting in an instantaneous bleeding out and death Then the other shoe fell. There’s always that other shoe right. The reason why it had fractured was pathological not caused by strain at all but the result of a big nasty cancerous tumor that had taken up residence in my bones. And it had brought along relatives and friends who were residing in my liver, in my lymph nodes and Esophagus. By the time the shoes quit dropping I had four different stage four cancers, all terminal. I don’t remember a whole lot about that afternoon. I was beginning to think that maybe I had received a mild concussion from one of the falling shoes. Hey, it made as much sense as anything I was hearing over the phone from the shoe assassin.
Many things began shifting in my head looking for some location that didn’t insult my intellect or my Almost Vulcan belief in Logic. Along the road littered with shoes that led to the diagnostic center I found myself in a very strange room and I must digress for a moment to tell this story. The room where this scanner resides was very interesting. The room itself was sort of round and had a wood framed ceiling that make it look like you were looking up through a sky-light or a viewing window of a Arboretum. And then in-between the fine wooden frames were back lit projections with the images of beautiful tree limbs. There were several varieties and you could almost hear the wind rustling through the bright leaves rattling the birth leaves. And because there were actually made on giant transparencies they were incredibly sharp and well defined having the kind of detail that you used to get only by using Infra-red film or of course the naked eye in extremely clear light. And you find yourself lying on a gurney as the machine rolls you into and out of the throat of the scanner. It was almost breath taking. Here is where my poor writing skill become obvious. It was just beyond words. I felt a sudden sense of overwhelming peace and I began praying and praising our YHVH. My eyes filled with tears of joy and all the pain seemed to just flow out of my limbs. And I just spoke to the Lord as I often do in my way of faith walking, which is much like that of the famous dairyman from Anatevka and I said “Oh Lord YHVH, Can entering your kingdom in that day when I join you, can it be any more wondrous than what my eyes are filled with?” And then in a voice that seemed to be coming from right next to my own face came an audible voice deep and rich and covered in warm milk chocolate swirled with rich dark chocolate came a simple response, with an awareness of a little laughter in His voice as He said “ You have NO Idea.” (WHAT, is someone in the scanner tube with me!!! ) And my only response to that came with a fresh flood of tears pouring down the temples and splattering on the gurney as if to bring rain to the trees in my vision. And I said, “Oh my father YHVH, how glorious that day will be and now it seems sooner than your coming in the clouds. I thought I might see that glorious day of your return. Thank you YHVH. But what about my family? Who will watch over them? Who will pray for them, with them and make sure they are no stolen away by an enemy? And the answer came almost with a kind of surprise, that I should even ask as He said, “ I love your family more than You Do.” And with that a new total assurance that they were indeed in His hands. Almost all of my prayers for them over the years were not even needed. Because He is always there, has always been there loving them more than I ever had. Yeshua said that even before we ask, the father knows already what you are in need of and will be taking care of us.
So here I am, not sure of much about my disease, how treatment will unfold, although given the pain and misery I have already experienced it is not going to be much fun. I don’t know how long I have to remain on this world. I have become sort of indifferent about a lot of this, and my prayer that he would allow me to witness his coming and be part of that “ Welcome Home Yeshua “ party. I am OK now with leaving this world early. Who knows maybe he has something for me to do on the other side of His return like the little ones who lead the marriage procession with pedals of flowers and other preparing the road with a fresh covering of palm branches. It doesn’t matter to me. I might be the old guy with a mustache and a roller can and a shovel cleaning up the horses mess on that path where He had just blessed with His presence. Who knows? HE knows. So it is all good. So whether it is here or there, this life or the next, I look forward to meeting you all. In the name of our LORD and Savior YHVH I send you blessings for this and all days. He is with us, right there next to us. In the medical scanner, the MRI, in the Operating Room, in the painful treatments, in the sickness and vomiting, in the painful gut exploding bowel movements, the long hours of pumping poisonous IV meds into my newly installed “Infusaport” and the crushing pain of shattered limbs. He endures all of that side by side with us and says, “ It’s going to be fine. Trust me!”
"When you awake in the morning, learn something to inspire you and mediate upon it, then plunge forward full of light with which to illuminate the darkness." -Rabbi Tzvi Freeman
Jewish adventures in the diaspora.
Scripture, ethics and spiritual formation